Bite-Size Plushies and Self-Publishing Frustration

Bite Size plushies are finally here! I actually developed these first last Christmas when I made Hubby a plushie of Grandizer/Grendizer/Goldorak. I made myself a full-size Orion Quest to go with it, but also made a mini Orion that was a keychain as a surprise. Yeah, the bad thing about that gift was that living in a one-bedroom apartment provided me no space to work on his gift without being found out... So, the plushie keychain was born one day when he was at work! I've been wanting to make more of these but the idea kept wavering in and out along with all the other stuff I was trying to do (move, unpack, find a PT job, adjust to having a cat around...) and didn't get really around to it until now. I think these are so cute though and they're pretty fast for me to make, so I'm going to be doing a bunch more! They're available here, and only $6 each! (And yes, I do take custom orders!)

I've also been trying to get my book edited, which has been a long, grueling project. I've got up through Chapter 10 edited on paper, but just finished Chapter 5 in the digital copy last night. For some reason I couldn't figure out I just have NOT been feeling up to doing this lately, despite that I really want to get this done, do the illustrations, and get it out there for people to enjoy! After ten years of working on it you'd think I'd be tearing through it for this final time in eager anticipation of "crossing it off my To Do list for the final time" (this is the third rewrite and millionth edit of the story, seriously...) but I've been dragging my feet.

The more I thought about it, the more I began to realize what was wrong with me and why I was stalling, which all culminated in a huge realization last night. For one thing, I've been working on this for so long I'm probably going to feel *empty* when it's done and ready for publishing. That's how attached I get to projects, and when they're over with it takes me a day or two to recover. For another, the book WILL bring me in money and I know that, but adding things to my shop and working on custom orders has seemed like the more important thing to do because they could bring in money right now. With hubby still not able to find a job, that's important! I can't work at all if I'm dead from starving, you know?

And there was a reason last night that crashed down on my head and really made me upset. Ever since I decided to go the self-publishing route, all I've heard are people bashing it as nothing more than vanity and something used by people that aren't good enough to get a "real" publisher. I've heard that no one but your family and friends will buy your book if you self-publish and that it won't ever make you any money. Basically, I've been hearing that I'll get "pity sales" and that I'm a crap writer just because I want to self-publish. No WONDER I don't want to edit- I'm subconsciously feeling like all the editing and polishing in the world won't matter just because I want to go the self-publishing route! There's a way to motivate someone...

In case you can't tell, I'm a little fired up on this subject... just a little.

I'm self-publishing because I believe my story is my baby, and I don't want to relinquish my control over it. I hand-picked someone to do my cover art (and am seriously hoping that one day I have enough money to pay her for the beautiful job she's doing, especially since I'd really like it if she'd do the other covers for this series as well!), I'm going to be busting my ass to make sure the inside illustrations are my best work ever. I didn't want to hand that over to a publisher and have them pick someone I don't know to do my cover! I've been working on this thing ten years, I'm overprotective! But I also truly believe it's a good story, and all the crap I've been hearing about self-publishing is making me second guess my ability as a writer... It's like going to a baseball game to have fun and play and being told you're a crap player just because you're a shortstop or something, even if you've been playing for ten years.

*deep breath* Okay... rant is over... for now. Now I'm fired up though! I'd get right to editing but I have to go do my exercises now or I'll never get them done in time for eating breakfast, showering, and then running errands.

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